I was talking about my weird experiece two weeks ago with my friend. Basically, I just happened to saw my past life in front of me (it never happened before like this), and I found out someone around me had really bad karma with me. What should I do? My friend said, "you should go confront him and kick his ass." I paused. Then, I said calmly, "at the end of seeing my past life, I made a decision. No matter what happend in the past life, I will love and support him forever from now." My friend was in shock. Yes, my dear. You want to get tangled in the same karma all over again? Go punch your past life enermy and kicked his ass. Just don't do anything too stupid to get you to jail. Yes, if you don't change, you will fall into the same patterns again because you still don't learn the lession in this life. It will continue (according to Buddish and many other systems.) Life is full of choices. For my case, it's a little bit complicated. See...ok, for this guy, we were actually a coupld in the past life. We had loved each other deeply. However, we were too alike. We were too stubborn to express our own feeling with love when we faced obstacles in our marriage. We finally had lots of misunderstanding and he had an affair with my best friend. Did I hate him at that time? Hell Yeah! My roommate saw me talking about my past life with non-stop tears and she was so scared. She, also a sensitive person, felt such rage and hatred, sadness, sorrow, regrets, and all strong and negative emotions coming from me ( I felt it was from my 2nd chakra. My roommated said one of my screams was so horrifying like someone just died right at that moment...). At the end, I realized how much love we had had in the past. Why would I want to bring those unnecessaries to this life of mine? It took determination to let go. However, once I said I would love him forever, the extreme tense was gone in a second. That person may never know what happend between us in the past. It's me to decide if I want to carry those negatives to our future relationships. Why not let those go? It's you who is withholding it. The other person may not even know. Holding it is just to torture yourself. Only love is the answer. Hatred is never the way out. The first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself. You cannot change the past. However, you can change to future. Do you want to suffer from the bad karma once again with this person? If you already know what will happen without getting out of it, why would you choose the difficult way to live your life? I didn't. It's not easy. If this happend 6 months ago, I would just confront that person and keep giving him difficult time. Thanks to all the meditations, chakra cleaning, crystal energy, and Avartar tools I had access to, I have the strength to support myself and decide to let go. I just wish all people can decide to get out of it if they are facing their karma...Revenge is not the answer...Loving yourself is...
Regardless of the loss last month, I still rent a space in PCC flea market this time. I don't know...I just felt like it...Even I didn't make much sale last time, it's fun to practicing giving ZERO judgement on anyone passing my booth. Trust me, it's hard to have no judgement on any single person...It's fun though...And, trust me, this exercise can really change you. Anyway...This time I was more serious about tarot card reading. I was putting out my dear aura-soma tarot cards on the table. Also, I tried to sell really great crystals from my dear friends ML and Ken, two fantastic crystal healing masters. No one was interested in those. People! Those crystals can really help you to open your heart! With your heart chakra closed, it's hard for you to achieve anything! You want happiness in your love life? You need to open your heart! You want to have a successful career? You need to create the passion for that! Heart chakra! The most important one for you to manage first! Anyway...Doing tarot card reading on that day was a fun experience because some people came to T.E.S.T. me! Two people told me that they actually were doing tarot card reading by themselves after my reading. I was like...W.T.H??? I have to say that you have to be strong to be a counselor. People cry, rage, get depressed, and have all exterme emotions right in front of you. I have to really admire my tarot card teacher. She has been a counselor for so many years and still hanging there. Amazing! When we ( whoever taught by our tarot card teacher Grace) do the reading, we have to show our support to the person in front of us. We don't provide an answer. We provide options. Remember, tarot cards reflects how you feel under your current situation. If you make a decision or change your mind with in 3 seconds, even though you draw the same card, our reading will be different. Yes, the point here is that YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR OWN FATE! We will suggest you how to make the situation better. Personally, I prefer to pull out the fear or some negative aspects of the client, and "recommend" he or she to work on improving. What's the point if I just tell you how the future will be if you can really change it if you want to? It's no fun for the counselor since we need to walk through your sorrow, disappointment, sadness, rage, hopelessness and more with you. Before I learned tools from Avatar courses, I could only use meditation or waivers to clean myself afterwards. Avatar courses did help me to speed up the cleaning process and to be more capable to support people during the reading sessions. Ohh man, it took a lot of energy to pull out the worries or even fear underneath people. After I packed and went home, I took a three hour nap, which hadn't happend for million years. However, if any person had a reading on that day can improve his or her relationship with the loved one(s) any single bit, it's totally worth it. And, ohh yeah, thanks to my dear dear friend Eunice to visit me! Without your support, I would be just dying there...
Today, when I left home, I saw someone's car was still with the lights on. I rushed to her and told her that. She smiled and said, "dear, it turned off automatically." I was so FxxKING embarrassed! But, she continued, "thanks still!" And, she gave me this really big flying kiss! Wow...Again, it's totally worth it!
Wish all the people I met on Sunday found the path of love without hesitation
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Ok...so...For the aura-soma therapy, 4 bottles have to be chosen. When a person applies them to the body, he/she starts with the second one he/she chooses, then the third, then the fourth, finally the first one. After that terrifying #27 divorce bottle (my second one), I was happy to move on. However, when I looked into the information on #55, I was like WHAT THE HELL!!??? The main theme is "To Develop Sacrificial Love". I was cursing somebody I-don't-know whom when I saw the words. #*)$(&(*^&*(&*(@@_)($#$%!!! God! I need to sacrifice more? Jesus Chris Mother Theresa! Anyway, I still applied it. I used 80% of it before I went to Avatar Wizard Course 2008. In the course, I suddenly realized how easeful and delightful one person can be with unconditional love. It's still somehow hard for me to achieve 100% now though. I was listening to Harry Palmer's talk in the course one day. He mentioned the force of pushing and pulling. Thanks to that alien (my belief) Newton, we know whenever we are apply force on one thing, there must be some counterforce existing. So, it applies. If you do put desire on something, there must be some resistence. My realization was that if someone is with conditional love, this person suffers from a belief of insufficient love. Ok...in a relationship...If you are asking for return, you must feel that you are not loved enough. Otherwise, why are you asking for something in return? However, when you feel you don't have enough love in you, how can you give love to others? You already feel scarcity. You yell at others saying you've been giving out so much. Ohh boy, you really didn't give much since you have fear of not having enough already. So, yeah...I have to say that giving without asking anything back is hard. I felt dizzy when I first did that. Thanks God I have rose quartz and other crystals with love energy to fill my heart chakra. Thanks to our mother earth! Praise her! Of course, the pink Pomander helped, too! Use whatever you can get to help you. Again, I can't say this too many times. Ok, back to the force...more pushing, more pulling. Both sides will suffer from the force of confrontation. One side has to let go first. It's hard. And, I am still learning...After the course, I finished the bottle in 3 days. I was so ready to move on to my next bottle. Wait, what's the affirmation of #92? Ohh, you have to chant the affirmation when applying aura-soma on your body and believe in it to make it work. "Before enlightment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightment: chop wood, carry water"!!??? WTH??? Sorry, Ms. Vicky Wall, I cursed again. I know aura-soma is good. My bad! I haven't and any insight on applying #92 yet. Hope I will get it soon. And, Gosh...my first bottle is even worse...don't even want to think about it now...Let me just hypnotize myself now...Applying them all...it's for my own good and cleaning up...Applying them all....(feeling like cursing again...better stop here...)
Ok, since I weat my Seraphnite, I can't stop posting. Actually, whenever I wear it, I do something I wouldn't do in the past. In a good way, I think...Like two days before, I met a 6 or 7 year old boy in front of the supermarket. He was trying to sell me chocolate. He's so skinny and tiny with those big shiny eyes. "Do you want to buy some chocolate," he asked me carefully. I looked at him, "I don't eat chocolate (yeah, right...I just don't eat bad chocolate and I only eat dark)." I was ready to leave him but something poped up from out of nowhere. I turned back and walked to him, "you know what? I will buy two." He looked surprised with delight. "Wait, here is the deal," I continued. "I will buy two but I won't take them. You will have these two and you can give them to the people you like." His eyes went bigger. "Ok?" I smiled at him. He coughed, paused, then nodded. I gave him 5 dollars. He went to his older brother and get a one-dollar change. "So, you understand the deal? You give the chocolate to..." "Whoever I want," he was so delighted. "Good, let's shake hands. We have a deal," I shaked his weak and cold hand, then I left with saying see-you-later. I never bought things in this kind of situation. I did anyway. Ok, anyway...
Back to Asthma...I never really had Asthma. I had symptoms close to Asthma when I was in high school. I could suddenly hardly breath for half minutes. No harm was really done. What happened then? I felt disapproval. I felt unsupported. And, I couldn't feel the love at all. It's not just me. My dear friend Grace used to have Asthma since elementary school. I confirmed with her. She suffered from the same. Her mom disapproved her. She couldn't feel the support from anyone and she was so isolated. Yeah, I felt isolated in my family at that time also. I have to say not everyone would encounter Asthma under the same situation. Children who are more sensitive are more likely to suffer from it, like one of me ex boyfriends. He claimed he couldn't feel the love and support he used to have after his younger sister was born. Ok, me, Grace, and my ex-bf all have overcome Asthma. For my ex-bf, he just affirmed that he could support himself and didn't need others' approval. For me and Grace, we are lucky to obtain a lot of ove from our dear friends now and we treasure that. Once again, different affirmations work for the same situation. The point is to make yourself feel supported, no matter where that comes from. Either it's your determination or it's other's love, just believe in it!
Epistaxis...Ugh? It's nosebleed in English, my love. Ok, I almost didn't have it. Maybe once in my life and just one drop. I believed it didn't count. However, I have this case. She's my dear friend and she's only 8 year-old. She's quite mature, I have to say. She has nosebleed very often, as I heard. I met her in Avatar course and we have been best pals ever since. I refused to grow up and she can't wait to become an adult. Anyway...Her relatives have been telling me her epistaxis problem. No one knew the cause. After her nosebleed situation, she always wanted ice cream. However, eating ice cream would put her in fever. One day, in the course, we two were fooling around. She was using my laptop to draw pictures online
Since the day I decided to write something about Alzheimer disease, my mind and body are resisting to the outermost limit. Whenever I opened my blog and tried to write something about it, I felt so exhausted and I needed to head to bed. Today, after three mugs of tea straight, I finally started to write about it. God damn, it is because my mom has Alzheimer. And, the my mom has always played THE most important role of my karma. Ok, so...what may cause my mom's Alzheimer? Any disease comes internally, again. According to my dear Louise Hay, Alzheimer caused by anger toward the external environement and feeling effortless in real life situations. Personally, I feel there is more. The parients refuse to face the past and the reality. Therefore, they choose to escape from the pain facing the mistakes in the past or pain in the present and to adandon their memories and start to isolate them from the environmental signals. The hurt and pain created by themselve due to the stimuli from the outside world are too heavy for them to handle. (Thanks to Darjeeling so I can continue...urrr). Now, the real case...My mom started to have significant memory lost about 5 years ago. Ok, what happened 5 years ago? My dad planed to retired. My mom has always been financially insecured and tried to force me to stand by her side to persuade my dad not to retire. I was so FxxKing pissed off at that time. I need to mention something first. When I was in the 2nd grade, my mom put our family in great debt and lied to my dad. Unfortunately (fortunately?), I knew the truth when I happened to hear my mom's phone conversation one day. Once my mom found out I knew the truth, she had been forcing me to lie to my dad with her, or, she said, "if I and your dad got a divorce, you can't gain any good from it. You understand me?". I was young and fearful. I lied. One lie after another...I had to cover one lie with 10 more lies...You do the math...Then, I became a liar for the rest of my life until I started Avatar. That's another story though. Back to 5 years ago...After a few phone conversation, I finally yelled at my mom, "dad has been working to his dead body for his whole life. If you hadn't put us in such a big debt 20 years ago, dad can even retire ealier as he wishes!" My mom literally screamed at me like some insane person with such a big rage, then hang up the phone. (Another big sip of my Darjeeling) I don't know if I did the right thing at that time. Should I stand by my mom's side or my dad's? I will never know. However, bad things did start to happen. We never know the exact time point when my mom started to have this serious memory loss and lost the ability to learn new things (she used to be THE smart ass among her colleagues). I tried to trace back and I believe the retirement argument was the starting point. I hadn't been forgiving myself on this for a while. Ok, so, my mom felt powerless over my dad and I no more unlike she used to. Yeah, she was the queen of our family, no doubt. No one can offend her or she would collapse right in front of us. Due to the curse/blessing of love, my dad and I learned to let her do whatever she preferred to avoid the conflicts. Trust me, you don't want her to collapse. One time, she literally said the following to me, "I curse you that you will be tortured to death by your own future child ever after." Yeah...Horrifying...I had trying to be an obidient daughter. I came home right after school. I was the top-one in both elementary and middle school. I went to the best high school and university in my country...Anyway...Ok...However, this time, she lost control over the situation. How bad of her resistence to face the reality? She kept claiming that she had no memory lost at all. However, her friends had been annoyed by her memory lost problem. She would accuse others that they took her stuff and it's not that fact. Fortunately, she had great friends and all they do was trying to support her. They tried to sneak back from my mom and talked to me about this. Trust me. My mom didn't even give them the slight chance to talk to me without her monitoring. Ok, so I got into a lot of fights with my mom and tried to persuade her to see the doctor. Come on. She didn't want to face the reality. How can she agree to see a doctor to know the crucial truth? One day, I collapsed in front of her and beg her to see the doctor. She still ignored. My dad just told me to go back to US and leave this behind. "I will take care of her," he said. I cried even louder. I didn't know if it's the sorrow or the love of my dad hit me that hard. Finally, one day, one of my mom's friend tricked her into a clinic and forced her to have the examination. Now, she's taking medicines. After the diagnose, I tried to talk about Alzheimer with my mom but she has been avoiding this conversation. She would just yelled bye bye to me and hang up the phone. I had been asked her to read the affirmation from Louise Hay's book but she chose to discard it. One day, I decided to record a video clip, emailed it to my dad, and asked my dad to force my mom to watch it. I said to my mom that she has been strong. And, no matter what happens, I will support her. After that, she became less intense when we mentioned Alzheimer. Not much progress but it's progress. (Now, I ran out of Darjeeling. I am panic.) Ok...so...what are the possible non-medical help to ease the Alzheimer symptoms in my opinion? First, refer to Louise Hay's " Heal Your Body A-Z: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Way to Overcome Them ", read the affirmation related to such disease, and truly believe in them. Crystal healing is another way to go. It lets go your past and will guide you to find the forgiveness to yourself. For me, I will work my mom and take her to the Avatar course. Yeah, I will face my karma eventually, FINALLY! I will fly back home and work on my mom for her to take the course in late March. God Damn it! I was planning to see Aurora Australis in New Zealand at that time. However, "THANKS to" my Mandala Oracle two days ago (I was cursing when I read the card I chose), I changed my mind due to the affirmation, "Love is a choice from moment to moment." Do I want to love selflessly? I admit I want to go to NZ because I have some other reasons. Do I want to chase after my dream or compromise for my own family? I guess the answer has been clear...It's my mom. I can never hate her. I can only love her...
